18 things you’ll only understand if you played in your school orchestra

15 April 2019, 17:23 | Updated: 15 April 2019, 17:31

Did you play in your school orchestra? Take a minute to reminisce over your terrible past existence as a second violinist.

1. Remembering that this is the first time you’ve picked up your instrument all week

2. Coming in confidently two bars early and hiding in shame behind your tiny wire music stand

   That definitely wasn’t me. Nope. Nooo sir.

3. Your tiny wire music stand breaking and falling over

   These things were not made to stay upright.

4. The unique feeling of discomfort that comes from sitting on a hard plastic chair for two and a half hours

   Why can’t we have cushions like real humans?

5. Sweltering in your school uniform

   Having a good grip on my bow is a physical impossibility in this uncomfortably hot practice room full of 13 year olds.

6. Looking at the key signature on a new piece of music and feeling physical pain

   Well this is going to sound lovely at our end-of-term concert.

7. Gazing longingly out of the window and being scandalised to see all the kids bunking off orchestra

   Well, this is unacceptable.

8. Forgetting to count your 82-bar rest and getting shouted at

   Can’t you just bring us in?

9. Forgetting to do the repeat and getting shouted at

   Wasn’t me.

10. Trying to circle the repeat, but then remembering you forgot to bring a pencil and getting shouted at

    It’s just too many things to remember.

11. Your desk partner being off sick, leaving you feeling simultaneously lonely and very exposed

    Can everyone stop looking at me please.

12. The sweet, screechy sound of everyone tuning up

    Ah, there’s nothing like the sound of that glorious concert A, clashing with a G sharp in the brass section.

13. The matchless feeling of revulsion that comes from accidentally stepping in someone’s puddle of spit

    Wind and brass players, please keep your saliva inside your mouths.

14. Being unable to see the conductor because an extremely tall viola player is sitting in front of you

    Well, it’s no wonder I keep coming in a bar late.

15. Taking out fellow orchestra members with your bow

    Literally who thought it was a good idea to put 60 kids in this minuscule practice room?

16. Accidentally knocking over your sheet music with your instrument

    Aaaaaand it’s all over the floor, and I have no idea which order the sheets were in.

17. Playing the same medley EVERY Christmas – and practising it in October

    WHEN WILL THE FESTIVE JOLLITY END.

18. Doing everything in your power to not burst into laughter as your friend across the room makes cross-eyes at you

    Musician friends = friends for life.